Break The Cycle of People Pleasing By Understanding Projection

Release yourself from the burden of people pleasing.

Debra Arlyn Rose
3 min readAug 16, 2021


Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

What if I told you that everything someone else judges, criticizes, or doesn’t “agree with” or “like” about you…is merely a projection they put *onto* you of things they…

a) Fear seeing in themselves
b) Do not comprehend
c) Secretly admire about you

We spend so much time and energy trying to please and win approval from others. For many of us, this has been the driving force behind all of our family, social and community interactions. We have been so driven by the need for validation that we have become chameleons who know how to reflect back to people what they desire to see in us.

We adopt this chameleon behavior- because we think that when someone is displeased or doesn’t like us — that it means something about us. We internalize that invalidation. And we begin to hear and believe stories such as…

“I must not get it.”

“I’m not good enough.”

“My emotions are too much.”

“Who I am is not okay.

And so on.

But there is a way that we can free ourselves of that shame, unworthiness and stop believing those harmful “stories” that play over and over in our minds and hearts.

We can come to the understanding that, when someone is displeased or doesn’t like something about us…it really only means something about THEM.

We are not actually being judged for who we are. We are merely acting as a mirror reflecting back to the other person or person(s) things they try so hard to deny in themselves, or things they believe they could never be (for whatever reasons) or things they have no idea how to understand.

How freeing is that to know?

So, next time you worry about someone not liking you, or judging your life and being critical of your life choices or way of being…

Just remind yourself that anything you do (or any way that you are) can only be seen and perceived by someone else through the lens of their own…

  • Fears
  • Beliefs
  • Conditioning
  • Self Awareness

Everyone is wearing their own personal pair of glasses when they look out into the world. The way they see you, is really only a reflection of the glasses they are wearing and looking through!

It is not actually a representation of YOU.

And this is why it is so important to surround yourself with “awake” and open minded people.

People who are mindful of how they are projecting and are actively trying to grow beyond this tendency when communicating and engaging with you, and others.

People who have done the inner work and are actively trying to release themselves of the propensity to judge, criticize, project, deny, label, and follow fear based thinking.

So, what does this mean?

It means you can take back all that energy that you once spent trying to conform and please those who have a tendency to be critical of you.

Instead, use that energy to become MORE of yourself — and attract people who don’t need you to be a certain way for them to approve or like you. People who have the ability to *SEE YOU* outside of their own “stuff”.

This is how you can shed the shackles of…

  • People pleasing
  • Codependency
  • Low self worth

I am a Spiritual Self Worth Coach that guides heart centered women to embody their Soul Purpose.

Women who work with me grow and learn how to make forward thinking choices that are in their own best interest, and they begin to create the life they truly want and deserve.

You can find out more about working with me on my website by clicking here.



Debra Arlyn Rose

Spiritual Self Worth Coach & Award Winning Songstress who empowers heart centered women to trust their intuition and live their Soul purpose.